Posted by: Ed Chernoff
January 16, 2007
Topic: Clients who Love and Hate

"Then why won't you hire him?", she asked. "Are you people dense?", Ed blurted, "I can't pay my rent half the time. I'm floating checks right now. I eat noodles, damn it... how am I going to pay an associate?" Sherry agreed it was impossible, and so naturally suggested they all meet for dinner to discuss it. Ed staggered from the ridiculous nature of the proposition, but as Fate would have it, he was hungry. He agreed to meet but laid some ground rules. "First, no promises", Ed declared, "and Second, you buy." Sherry agreed.

They met at the Lucky Village Chinese Buffet on Westheimer. With Ed's stomach full of General Taos Chicken, Alan proposed a highly unconventional employment arrangement - at least since pre Civil War. He suggested that Ed allow him to work for free and in the event he felt Alan was worth a salary he could pay him what Ed thought he was worth. (No, I'm not making this up.)

Now, Ed wasn't a dumbass... even then. He knew there was no free lunch. He made it clear that even if he were so inclined to rate Alan worthy of a salary, no revenue meant no income for anybody. And so far in Ed's entrepunerial career, revenue was the single biggest problem. Guilt doesn't pay the mortgage, he reminded the insane duo, and guilt was likely the only thing to be generated from Alan's labors. The two couldn't agree more strongly with Ed's dire assessment but wanted to take the risk. Ed shook his head in amazement, and opened his fortune cookie. It said, "New connections will change the course off your future." Ed decided that either the world was fucking with him, or he was on some hidden camera show. He agreed to the deal.

I suppose the story would do well to fast forward. Alan, hopefully without sounding too terribly derivitive, completed Ed. Simply put, Alan got along with people Ed could not. Alan was able to complete deals, that in Ed's fumbling hands resulted in bitter litigation. Granted, Ed often won, but only after litigations unique stress and worry. Alan got things done without unnecessary Saber rattling. Now, to be fair, Ed gave Alan the opportunity to speak softly and carry a big stick. Alan could be as reasonable as he wanted, but if the prosecution refused to reciprociate, they knew that Alan would transfer the case to the trial bureau and they would be forced to deal with the Gollum. Somehow, revenue followed. Alan went one month without salary. He hasn't missed since. (To be continued...)

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