Posted by: Ed Chernoff
May 04, 2007
Topic: Business is Good, Memorial Park is Bad

Despite the gravity that is weighing everybody down in the office, Bill's having a good week. He tried a DWI on Teusday and Wednesday. He doesn't do alot of those, but it was a client that he had represented formerly, and had developed a relationship. Actually, the prior case was a DWI also. Bill got it dismissed and afterwards suggested that the client have the case expunged. Naturally he didn't, so when he was arrested again for DWI, the prior dismissal showed up on his record, ruining any reasonable discussion Bill could have had for another dismissal. So he did the only thing left to do, he tried it and won. Hopefully the client will take his expunction suggestion seriously this time.

On Thursday, Bill tried a theft case. It involved a sting operation the City had been employing lately to catch scrap metal dealers buying stolen construction materials. It was a case the state should have disimissed. The whole transaction was on tape. Bill played the tape for everybody in the firm, and we all agreed there was no clear statement from the undercover officer that the materials he ws hawking were stolen. At one point he made some vague statement about getting the air conditioning coils from his work, but that was about it. On cross, Bill solidified the point, and the jury hung three and three. The State had had enough at that point and dismissed.

One aquittal and one dismissal after a hung jury, all in one week! Not bad, even by Bill's standards. He had another trial set on Friday, but the Judge decided to move it to the following Monday. (Good luck getting a Judge to pick a jury on Friday. About the only Judge I can think of that will do that is Belinda Hill. By the way, gratuitous high fives to the two best District Judges in the firm's humble opinion: Belinda Hill and Mark Carter.) So to continue... Bill is approached by the prosecutor who asks him why he is trying the case. Bill tells her his client is innocent. She has the nerve to tell him that she might dismiss if she tells him why her case is flawed. Now understand, this woman is maybe 24 years old with 10 trials under her garter belt and a year and a half in the DA's office. Bill tells her that she's a liar, albeit in a milder, less Matt Alford way. He tells her that she, like everyone else in the DA's office, is chicken shit afraid to dismiss anything. He tells her that the culture in the office won't permit a dismissal, even if clearly warranted, even if justice demands, even if the office is going to embarass itself. Bill tells this kid that she will see the evidence when he presents it, and then walked out.

Matt made almost the same statement to a prosecutor two weeks earlier. The firm represented a man accused of assaulting his male lover, in bed. The 911 tape heard the "victim" complain in a calm robatic manner, that his "husband" was beating him. When the police came, they found blood on the bed and a cut on the victim's nose. The police made a point of noting in the offense report that there were marks on the victim's neck. Hmmm. When the prosecutor told Matt that there was blood found on the bed, Matt reproached the prosecutor, "Do you really want to go there?" Apparently so. Matt was forced to pick a jury. The victim was unserved and out of the country, and Matt was able to keep the statements made to the police out of evidence. When Matt came back from lunch, a dismissal was waiting for him. But of course that is not the good part of the story.

Every now and then Bill accompanies Matt to his court appearances and vice-versa.(Nobody ever goes with me. I'm assuming its just because my cases are boring but maybe they hate my preaching.) Matt went into court on a pretrial hearing regarding the above mentioned case. Bill accompanied. When Bill came back to the office, he reported thusly. "Man, Matt went dark today! Some prosecutor told him about some physical evidence in that Assault trial and he told her that he would 'Shove it up her ass' at trial. I had to smooth things out." As it happened, Alan was in the same court. His report was somewhat less intense. He vaguely noted that Matt was agitated. I asked Matt when he returned. He was still agitated. He swore he didn't say "shove up ass", although he thought that statement was substantially better than what he did say, considering irony and all. He asked rhetorically, what the fuck a jury would say when confronted wiith that evidence. I told him I didn't know for sure but that something about the ass would probably cross their mind.

So, another case dismissed. Because I am currently the guy in charge, the cases that are resolved are placed on my desk for review. If there seems to be some disconnect between our usual resolution and the evidence, I take note. Likewise, if the firm is flourishing my probiscus is stimulated. For the record, we are kicking ass! Even I was titulated by the results of our firm in the last two months. One person went to prison, and I must admit, perhaps rightfully so. But fucking ten clients had their cases dismissed.

To further report on the week... after Bill's second trial, we went to the Charbar to unwind. (Firm's opinion: Best bar downtown to drink without bullshit.) We sat at the bar, where I could smoke without someone complaining. We observed four prosecutors sitting in the corner talking, undoubtledly about office politics and such. After enough Macallen 12's, Bill starting sending over drinks. After each round they raised theiir glasses in salute. At some point we went over. One of the prosecutors had a case set for trial pending against Bill. Drunkely she confessed that she was worried trying the case against Bill. Another of the prosecutors told her that she was right to be worried because Bill was the best she had eve seen. Bill paused a second, and then with pronounced slurring and a huge smile on his face, said, "Yeah, I'm going to shove this case up your ass!" I decided to call a cab.

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