Posted by: Ed Chernoff
May 17, 2007
Topic: Ultimately the Years Win

For you younger readers, in 1987 the cellular phones didn't have vibrate mode. In fact, they all had one loud and aggravating ring, devised by some engineer no doubt for the purpose of making the phone sound futuristic. They were huge, as well. But this post is not about phones, so I won't digress too much.

So, the jury was in the box, and I was asking questions of the arresting officer, when the phone started ringing. At first, everybody was confused. The jury started looking around. The Judge started looking at the jury. I looked at my chief prosecutor, who was sitting at my table, guiding me. Then the defense attorney reached into his brief case, pulled out a phone the size of a shoe, and answered it! The whole courtroom turned their eyes to him and listened to his part of the conversation. I remember him saying, "I can't talk right now, I'm in trial." Then rather than hang up, he listened to the long response on the other side. In silence, we all watched the defense attorney nodding into the phone, occassionally looking up and acknowledging our stares. Maybe fifteen seconds went by, which is more time than you think, considering the circumstances. Eventually, he hung up. (I ask you dear reader, what sex do you think the person on the other end was?) An uneasy silence followed after the attorney hung up. The Judge started shaking. He asked the bailiff to escort the jury into their room, and then angrily threatened the attorney with all types of possible consequences for violating the sanctity of the court again. That was my first trial! I was 24 years old.

That same Judge, I soon discovered was a brutal alcoholic. In one trial, after coming back from lunch, he called me up to the bench and informed me that he was unable to continue listening to the testimony. I was confused when he disbanded the jury, and disappeared into his chambers. In another trial, he bent down and threw up into the garbage can under his bench. By then I had been warned. My sympathy ultimately turned to contempt. Today, he is no longer a judge. I saw him last week, wobbling into court. I was surprised. Twenty years later, my contempt has turned to sympathy.

Age has a smoothing effect on all of us. There are so many things my body can no longer effectively do, but with age, I am less and less concerned about that. Fraility makes us accepting. We shift priorties - out of necessity. Experience is the power we cherish. Bill is having his birthday party at his house this weekend. It is billed as a keg party. Despite objections, he swears that all that will be available in the form of entertainment will be pizza and kegs of beer. I told him that I will be wearing a toga. I don't think he believed me, but if Bill is intent on requiring us to reminisce his frat days, I'm going all out. The only thing that concerns me is I don't remember getting laid in college.

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