Dirty Laundry
Posted by: Ed Chernoff
July 21, 2007

Every man in this laundry mat looks desperate. I keep a watchful eye on my machines, preventing what I am sure will be a smash and grab of my underwear and t-shirts. I haven't been in an establishment of such ill repute in many years, and despite my best-disheveled appearance, I don't fit in. But I don't really have a choice. My maid called me at about 10 am this morning to tell me that my dryer is no longer working. I would have gotten more details out of her, but I don't speak Spanish in a machine gun dialect, and she won't slow down.

Unfortunately for me, I always time my underwear exhaustion for the exact moment my maid is set to arrive, and I'm out. I didn't war-game for this possibility. (I mean, when is the last time some consumer durable made in America went down for no reason at all? When is the last time you replaced a refrigerator because it stopped working?) Anyway, since my maid only comes every two weeks, this is an emergency.

I considered just getting new underwear, but in my advanced age, I've grown accustomed to a particular style, and it can only be acquired in the mall or the Internet. I won't go to the mall. The mall reminds me of those Abercrombie and Fitch billboards on the West Loop. You know the ones I'm talking about. All you see are a couple male torsos containing impossible amounts of bumpy abdominal muscles. I don't know what the hell they are selling, but I feel vaguely uncomfortable.

What does this have to do with lawyering? Not a damn thing. But lawyering has been so goddamn depressing lately, it pains me to share. Today was about the shittiest day (how funny that the Word program I am using didn't underscore shittiest as a misspelled word!) I have had in a long time. Today, the most unexpected thing in my world occurred. Alan quit.

It's hard for me to equate the importance of that event. You know how CNN goes around asking the citizenry about their opinion of some inexplicable event that has happened in their life, and before they struggle to explain the effect, they say something like, "words can't describe how I feel"? Or... have you ever received a Valentines Day, Mother's day, Anniversary, Wedding, or Whatever card where the giver writes "words cannot say how I feel right now", to apologize in advance for the fact that the words they actually are about to write are going to suck?

Has anybody you've been sleeping with on and off for the last year ever told you that they have AIDS? Ok, maybe that's a little too intense an analogy, but you get the point. I'm not shocked. I'm numb. I'll be shocked later on. Actually, I assume I'll go through all seven stages of death recognition. Right now I'm at disbelief. For as long as I can remember, Alan's been there. He was there in the beginning, the middle, and the end - which wasn't supposed to happen today. And now he's gone. What the fuck?

He told me he's going off to partner up with Dane Johnson. Dane's a wonderful young lawyer. I know because I hired him out of the DA's office. For nearly five years I took him under my wing, and he fulfilled more than my expectations. I remember when I first met him.

He was sitting second chair in a case I was trying in Galveston. He hadn't said much, but during the punishment phase when his superior (who was clueless for two days) left him to clean up the mess, I had a chance to talk to him. What Dane didn't know was that my client was working on his fourth DWI. Galveston at the time was a little backward, information wise. Their system didn't reflect pending arrests. My client, while awaiting trial on his third DWI, got himself arrested on his fourth! I reasonably assumed Dane didn't know that. I asked Dane if he would be willing to stipulate that the punishment would reflect all extraneous cases. Dane diplomatically refused.

It all worked out, of course, but I never forgot that moment. He was facing a more experienced lawyer, and his instinct led him to the right decision. When the time came to hire a new associate, I called him first. Now he has his own law firm, with his lovely and talented wife, Leslie. (If you get a chance, check out their website: dwi-houston.com. He also hired Debbie, one of my secretaries. She is a delight and ought to be a lawyer in her own right.)

So now, there is a new law firm, with two of my most valued associates and one of my most treasured secretaries! I should be proud, but I'm sad. Alan is family. I'll miss him. I'll always remember our trip to Vegas. I'll never forget taking his son and mine to Tahoe to snowboard for the first time. (I have on videotape his son dialoguing his fear of the mountain, and then his first jump!)

I guess I'm being selfish. I wish him the best, but I think we were a better firm with him. He wasn't a trial attorney, but most clients don't need a trial, and what he did will be hard to replace. Tomorrow I fly out to Brownsville to try a multi-kilo distribution case, so this is something I need to put in the back of my mind, but for the moment I can't shake it. As I write this, I am remembering these lyrics from an old Nine Inch Nails song:

"what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end"

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